How do you move on mentally from a negative experience? Hmmm this is a hard question to answer. There is no specific method that I think is effective for everyone. The simple and obvious answer to this question is to let it go. But it is the act of letting go that is difficult. The reason for this is that the mind will wonder and think of subjects out of your control. So even if you want to let go of a horrible experience, your mind will generally find its way to thinking about it as soon as your guard is down. This means that moving on is determined by your ability to control the mind. 

 

Now, I know what some of you may be thinking. “Just because I can keep myself from thinking about an experience doesn’t mean that I have actually moved on.” And you would be right. Well, half right. Because in order to move on you must be able to forgive and FORGET.

 

We can never truly forget, so what this actually means is to not allow the mind to fester on the experience any longer. Before we go deeper into the “forget” side of the equation let us focus on the first part. Forgiveness. 

 

To forgive is to accept what happened. And though I wouldn’t claim to be of any particular religion, I find that the serenity prayer is of great significance here. 

 

 

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.”

 

In order to accept what has happened, you must acknowledge that it is in the past and that you have no ability to change what has already happened. Here is my personal advice to anyone who may be struggling with forgiveness.

 

When it comes to forgiveness, I believe that the person that needs to be forgiven is yourself. When you have a negative experience in life, it is surrounded by guilt and shame for yourself, and anger and resentment towards the offender or the circumstances.

 

Now, they say time heals all wounds. This may be true for anger and resentment which tends to fade with time, but with shame and guilt the solution requires action. In order to free yourself from shame and guilt you must prove to yourself that you will never allow yourself to be played the same way ever again.

That if a similar scenario starts to show itself again that you will be prepared.

 

For example, if you were assaulted, then your inner child, the part of you that is reliving the events of the past will not feel safe until you learn to properly defend yourself against future assaults. The solution here would be to take self-defense classes or boost your situational awareness. 

 

In essence what I am saying here is that you must prove that you have grown from the experience in a way that shows yourself that you will be able to protect yourself. Now, that example is more extreme but there are other negative experiences that aren’t about defending yourself physically, but mentally.

 

In which case you may need to arm yourself with mental fortitude which can be gained by meditation and seeking knowledge and understanding of circumstances surrounding the event. For example if you have been in toxic relationships you may want to seek to understand the personalities, the emotions, and the cause and effects that surround toxic environments so that you can navigate yourself around them when you see it. AKA the red flags. 

 

When you take the steps to grow mentally and physically then you will be able to forgive yourself and eliminate the shame and guilt. 

 

So, we have addressed forgiveness, now let's refocus on forgetting. Remember that we never truly forget, so what we are actually aiming to do is control our thoughts so that we don’t allow our mind to relive the emotions of the event over and over. The quote time heals all wounds reflects that over time we naturally forget. The emotions, such as anger and resentment, tend to fade the further we get from the event in question.

 

But when we allow the mind to keep replaying the event it is like resetting the clock. So, in order to forget we must gain control over our thoughts. We do this through meditation, or other forms of concentration exercises. There is also a reason that forgiveness comes before forgetting. Because forgiveness solves the internal issues that make it so that we don’t want to forget. In other words. The soul does not want you to forget until you have grown to become a person who can prevent similar circumstances in the future. Essentially it is a defense mechanism that is designed to remind you that there is a crack in your defense system that needs to be addressed. Once you go through the necessary process to forgive then this system will no longer need to activate. Making it easier to leave the whole situation in the past. From there we do our part to restrict the mind from returning to that memory. We classify it and wrap it with red tape. 

 

I have always been good at moving on. When I first started to write this, I was unsure that I would be able to properly explain the process. I say that to say this. I know that this method is effective based on my personal experiences. 

 

The sense of control and power you start to have when you can do this effectively is unmatched. Like many things, it is easier said than done. But my purpose here is to shed light on a reasonable path to obtain self mastery. If you find yourself in a position where you must forgive and forget then reflect on the things I have said. And remember that you can accomplish anything using the From Zero to One Method.